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Too Many Hands!

I work with a great group of my peers. Our website support team may only consist of four people, but we have a lot of personality. We talk about anything and everything in between phone calls. Some may call us geeks, but I think we’re cool geeks. We talk about awesome movies, cool toys, and gadgets. The guys talk about how each of them took the other guy’s mom out on a date the night before and laughter ensues. The occasional “That’s what she said,” is spoken when one of us tells a customer something like, “Please hold a moment longer, I’m almost finished.” It all helps the day go by faster.

We also discuss odd current events and basically just life in general. We sit in cubicles that line a main walkway to the smoking area. Despite our company’s efforts in getting people to stop smoking, we get quite a bit of foot traffic. I’m sure the smokers and even other teams that sit a few rows over have heard us argue about whether or not Star Wars Episodes I, II, and III should even be considered as part of Star Wars. I said those three movies should never have been made, and to drive the point home, I did my impression of Jar Jar and said, “Meesa an abomination! Meesa ruined Star Wars.

We talk about the most random things too. It’s hard to stick to one topic all day when we only have a few seconds at a time to interject our thoughts. So recently we were discussing the movie The Tourist – the one with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie – and how I still want to see it despite the bad reviews. The guy I sit directly next to said, “Angelina’s in my hot tub.” After I asked if I heard him correctly, he explained that he has a list of ten people he would allow in a hot tub with him.

See, I told you we talk about some random topics, and of course, I could not just let that one die. I had to start making my own list. I pulled off a sticky-note, grabbed my Peruvian blood crow quill pen, and started to jot down names. Of course I began with Johnny Depp; he had just been featured in our discussion so he was in the front of my mind. He also has amazing hair, and can play the guitar. Two things on my mental list of what adds to a man’s sexiness. Next, I listed Robert Downey Jr., because he gets hotter with age. Sure, he was cute in The Pick-up Artist, but he is ruggedly hot in Iron Man. Matthew McConaughey followed. I love his Texas accent and the fact that he doesn’t have a problem walking around his house butt-naked with the windows open while playing bongos. I heard that his neighbor saw him doing this and called the police. Seriously? What sort of person would do that?! Matthew, if you are reading this, feel free to purchase the house across the street from me. You can walk around naked all you want, just make sure I have my binoculars first.

I kept writing this list, all while talking to the guy who started the conversation. He said he had given deep thought to his tub, and along with Angelina he would have Kate Beckinsale. I know he would be completely content with just that one choice. That made me start thinking. For one, is there really a big enough hot tub for ten strong, muscular men and me? And for two, could I even think of seven more men for my hot tub? Simon Baker quickly popped into my head: okay, that wasn’t hard. Simon is from Australia, and I love his accent too. After that though, I was stuck. I couldn’t think of any other famous men with whom I would want to share a big vat of hot water. Now, it wasn’t stated that I had to choose men, and I’ve never been a switch-hitter, but since this whole hot tub fantasy isn’t going to happen anyway, adding a chick to the equation like Eliza Dushku may be fun. Then I thought if I picked any hot women for my hot tub , I wouldn’t get the full attention of the hot men, and that would be a hot mess and totally defeat the purpose of having all of the hot men in my hot tub. I want them and all of their hotness all to myself. That’s hot!

I really put way too much thought into this so I might as well continue. I stopped my list after only four men; I was allowed six more. I do want to tell all of the readers out there who are chicks, please know that I am not in need of suggestions. I know that there are many sexy actors out there – I’m just very picky. For example, I love the way Viggo Mortensen looks with all of his long hair and facial scruff when he played the role of Aragorn, but in real life he is clean-shaven and not my type at all.

Allow me to analyze this scenario even more. Let’s say this could really happen. I’m sitting in a hot tub, which is hard enough as it is (that’s what she said), because I don’t have one and I don’t know of many people that do. For the sake of the fantasy, let’s just say I’m at a nice hotel sitting in the hot tub all alone when all of a sudden Johnny, Rob, Matt, and Simon all wander over. They all ask if they can join me, but the only problem is that they are dressed in suits and don’t have any swim trunks. That poses a huge issue, but I allow them to strip and join me anyway.

Wouldn’t it get a little awkward if there were eleven people in a hot tub? Even five may be a little overwhelming. I can’t help to keep thinking that’s a heck of a lot of hands!

So who’s in your hot tub?

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